Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
