My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always time for handjobs
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize