Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
