I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
