Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize