I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
