Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and she was petting her beer can
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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