You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
