i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
