I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
