They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
