I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
