oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
