I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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