You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want her autograph on my taint
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
