Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How does it feel to date your dad?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
