I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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