I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
