I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
