Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
