Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
