How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
