At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
