so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
