One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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