i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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