So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's get the cat blown out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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