I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize