you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my being single is dangerous.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
