what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
