thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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