Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
