I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
