I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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