i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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