He uses pillows to masturbate.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
