you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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