So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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