hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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