So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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