You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
