Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
