Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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