Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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