I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
