Don't you send me to vm
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
