Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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