hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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