that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
