dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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