grandma shit on top of the toilet
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
