I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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