I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
