Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
