Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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