Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
