Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
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Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize