is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
