Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
worst night to have a conscience
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
