They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
