i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
