I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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