I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
