Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
