if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
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Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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