why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Who did Billy Mays play for?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
