Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
